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Yooper Moves To Texas / Dear Diary

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El Destructo:
Dear Diary,

              Just moved to Texas from Upper Michigan ! Now this is a state that knows how to
               live!!

               Beautiful sunny days and warm balmy evenings. What a place!
               It is beautiful. I've finally found my home. I love it here.

               June 14th:

               Really heating up. Got to 100 today. Not a problem. Live in an
               air-conditioned home, drive an air-conditioned car.

               What a pleasure to see the sun everyday like this. I'm
               turning into a sun worshipper.

               June 30th:

               Had the backyard landscaped with western plants today. Lots
               of cactus and rocks. What a breeze to maintain. No more mowing
               the lawn for me.

               Another scorcher today, but I love it here.

               July 10th:

               The temperature hasn't been below 100 all week. How do
                people get used to this kind of heat?

               At least, it's kind of windy though. But getting used to the
               heat is taking longer than I expected.

               July 15th:

               Fell asleep by the community pool. (Got 2nd degree burns
               over 60% of my body). Missed 3 days of work. What a dumb-assed thing to do.

               I learned my lesson though. Got to respect the ol' sun in a
               climate like this.

               July 20th:

               I missed Lomita (my cat) sneaking into the car when I left
               this morning. By the time I got to the hot car at noon, Lomita
               had died and swollen up to the size of a shopping bag, then
               popped like a water balloon.

               I learned my lesson though. No more pets in this heat.

               Good ol' Mr. Sun strikes again.

               July 25th:

               The friggin wind sucks. It feels like a giant blow dryer!!

               And it's hot as hell. The home air-conditioner is on the
               fritz and the AC repairman charged $200 just to drive by and tell
               me he needed to order parts.

               July 30th:

               Been sleeping outside on the patio for 3 nights now,
               $225,000 house and I can't even go inside.. Lomita is the lucky one.
               Why did I ever come here?

               Aug. 4th:

               It's 115 degrees. Finally got the air-conditioner fixed today.
               It cost $1000 and gets the temperature down to 85 degrees inside. I hate
               this stupid state.

               Aug. 8th:

               If another wise ass cracks, 'Hot enough for you today?' I'm
               going to strangle him. Damn heat. By the time I get to work,
               the radiator is boiling over, my clothes are soaking wet, and I
               smell like baked cat!!

               Aug. 9th:

               Tried to run some errands after work. Wore shorts, and when I
               sat on the seats in the car, my ass caught fire.

               My skin melted to the seat. I lost 2 layers of flesh and all
               the hair on the back of my legs. . . Now my car smells
               like burnt hair, fried ass, and baked cat.

               Aug 10th:

               I'm convinced now that the weather report is a damn recording. Hot
               and sunny.

               Hot and sunny. Hot and sunny. It's been too hot to do Shit
               for 2 damn months and the weatherman says it might really warm up
               next week.

               Doesn't it ever rain in this damn state? Water rationing
              will be next, so my $1700 worth of cactus will just dry up and blow over.

               Even the cactus can't live in this damn heat.

               Aug. 14th:

               Welcome to HELL! Temperature got to 125 today. Cactus are dead.

               Forgot to crack the window and blew the damn windshield out
               of the car. The installer came to fix it and guess what he
               asked me??? "Hot enough for you today?"

               My WIfe had to spend $1,500 to bail me out of jail.
               Freaking Texas .

               What kind of a sick demented idiot would want to live here??

               Will write later to let you know how the trial goes.

 

 
 

Justin Snyder:
Sept 1st:
Went to visit the UP today, got 12 inches of snow. Car got stuck in a snow drift. $300 for a wrecker to pull it out, another $400 to replace the front drive train where the ice ripped it out. Oh by the way. I had to walk to a pay phone because my cell battery was dead. Got frost bite on my toes, $5000 at the emergency room. I wont miss those toes.......... much.  Slipped on the ice on my way out of the emergency room. Another $400 for the broken arm.

Cant wait to get back to Texas.   >:D

Cacatch:
I can't read any more of this, I'm at work and I'm running out of excuses why I keep laughing out loud. Not supposed to be any fun here  >:(    but this stuff is toooooo rich  :D

Actually, Mike's diary post says a lot of the same stuff I was saying here in Indiana this summer, except I've lived here all my life and didn't move here from somewhere else. We didn't get to 125 but our humidity is what really kills ya. You can sweat justw alking outside at 90 here as bad as you could at 105 in Texas.


CP

Parnell:
Hysterically funny!  The poor cat, but man, I couldn't help but laugh!
Sometimes I feel the same living here in FL but, it's not that hot.  Just dripping wet humid!
Thanks for the laugh.

n2everythg:
Oh man that was so frickin funny I couldnt stand it.

thanks for the great laugh... I needed one.

Good way to end the week.

later
wade

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