Primitive Archer
Main Discussion Area => Bows => Topic started by: bow101 on March 11, 2013, 08:23:16 pm
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....say something funny, on the lighter side of woodworking, bowyering what have you, speak bow speak..!! ;D
FROM TREE TO STAVE
It was a cool crisp autumn day. The sun was hitting my good side. Previous seasons ravaged the other side with strong south easterly winds, at times so strong I was almost ready to give up and fall. But after 80 years and as my fore fathers and brothers still standing in all directions around me, I figured I would be around for another 80 or so years. An axe yielding man was gazing at my trunk. The chain saw started up as the man was sizing me up.
I felt the sharp teeth dig into my outer flesh, chips and sawdust were now scattering beneath me. As I fell I waved goodbye to all othes standing proud as my branches swung in all directions. I was then been cut up into shorter pieces. They were dragging me to my destiny to become one of their wood piles. Months later I was loaded on a truck, taken away split into four and left standing in a warm shop.
They called me Yew....!
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Pull my string! ;D
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Someone tell that kinslayer1965 guy to pick another hobby! ;D ;D
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Reincarnation:
I was brought to IN as a seedling, from the homeland of Oklahoma, I was planted in a hedgerow as a living fence. I stood many seasons and since I was a female I bore the "brainfruit" that many wildlife fed upon, cattle also ate my fruit and sometimes died from choking on them. My seedlings sprouted all around the pasture as cattle grazed the other non-thorny trees leaving the mighty osage as a dominant competitor on grazed woodlots.
I was a mighty shade tree, branches spread and twisted and flowed like a river. One fall day a heavy wind toppled me to the ground, my heavy branches loaded with fruit and leaves, the weight above ground more than my roots... The farmer cut me in 7 foot sections, and drove me into the ground to stand tall with barbed wire connecting my many parts over the entire pasture.
The farm changed hands, the cattle removed and wire fencing rusted away. A man called blackhawk, removed some of the old twisted posts that were once my strong arms. He then scraped away the gray weathered skin and revealed the true beauty of my inner self. I am now loved and exercised by humans, no more cold winter nights. It's a bow's life!
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Come on pull me a little more, I know you just put the short string on and we are begging to be pulled! Come on you can pull that string just a little more.....one more.....just a little further ..... Don't pay that tillering tree no minde..... Yes, that's it......KAPOWWW!!!!!
Now lets see you make a two peace bow!
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"I could've been an awesome waterbed frame, maybe even part of a house! But noooo, this guy had to come along and start chopping me up with a bunch of hand tools like some neanderthal."
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Standing in the prime of life, year after year, watching all the others, succumb to the winds. Then one day even losing a close sibling to a bolt of lightning. Wondering when would be my turn. Would it be similar to others all around, falling and getting eaten with rot and decay? Or could there possibly be a chance for purpose?
Then it happened! The two legged master of the forest came and looked on our side of the mountain. Looking at each of us, as if we were an army of soldiers ready for war. after much study he had mad the choice. Two of us made the roster that day. He took us under his arm and stripped away or rough spots, finding the very best strengths, in each of us. Then with carefull loving care, he rolled back the layers exposing the very core of our purpose and destiny! Finally set free from the confines of the shell, and reborn to new life as a bow. Tested and honed, ready for the that perfect shot!
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Keenan, I've had bows tell me that same story. 8)
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Haha, yeah right. It's last words would be "ahhh, please stop cutting me with that saw, I'm gonna die!"... and then it grows right with a fury the next year with all the shoots from the stump, :).... just to see me coming a couple years later, with my saw in hand,... :) Poor things.
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have you been drinking again!?
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You darn woodchuckes! Quit chuckin my wood!
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STOP STRINGING ME ALONG AND JUST SHOOT ME ALREADY!!!!!!!!!
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let's hunt
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Ya ever try to put wheels on me and I'll kill ya:)
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"Chris"....yells the king(osage) in a loud voice
"Yes master".....says I very submissively quiet
"Why have you betrayed and forsaken me using other woods"....says the king
"I..I...I...I......".....stutters I.
"I have been nothing but good to you and have done everything you have asked of me"...says the king
"Yes you have..it is true..you have been better to me than anyone else"....says I looking down in guilt
"Kneel before me and ask for forgiveness"...says the king
" I'm sorry master...I'm so sorry my king....ill never stray from you again".....lies I.
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Shoot
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Bend me shape me anyway you want me,
as long as you love me it's all right! :laugh:
Del
(or was it The Hollies? Whaeva...)
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Diddos....treat me like a king or a queen and I'll treat you like one too but lets just do together what we're supposed to do.
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It was a beautiful day in late March. The sun was shining warm on my bark as I was preparing buds for the upcoming spring. The temperatures had been warming lately and it felt good to come out of my slumber and feel the life rising up through me again. This sunny day was prettier than most. The squirrels were scurrying around my branches and the sun was just peaking over God's country (North Alabama) when I heard voices. "Must be squirrel hunters again" I said to myself as they came around the corner looking up and down each of my friends and family as they neared. The hunters were a common sight but this time was different. They usually don't come back once it starts warming and where were the the Mt. Cur dogs that usually proceed them? As they approached me one of their eyes lit up. I knew they didn't see a squirrel because they all headed for my father who is their den tree with all of his holes and hollows. "This one looks snakey!" he said. ......"Look how funny his bark grows!" Said the other one. Well great, these guys are just 2 peas in a pod....and not a very smart pod I might add. While the days are getting warmer it is way too cold for snakes out and I don't even have the first vine growing on me. I'm the opposite of snakey. And that other jerk, I was born this way. I've been made fun of by the other trees my whole life because my bark looks funny. Just when everyone began to accept me for who I am this guy has to bring it up again. Thanks for reminding me. After a little more inspection, one of them pulled what I originally thought was his gun off his shoulder. Not sure what it was but it had a wood handle and something sharp and metal on the end. Just when I thought they were gonna leave the bigger of the 2 men reared back and slammed the steel into me. I screamed inside! '&^*.......$@^&......@(*&!!!!!!!!! Then he did it again, and again!!! Screaming the whole time I could feel my sap gushing out and spewwing to the ground. He was cutting deep into my flesh. After a few minutes of pure agony he stopped. "This crap is hard as a rock. Its a lot tougher than that wussy white wood we usually cut. Lets run get the chainsaw." They left. I was in severe pain but I would heal. Then I heard a chilling sound, loud at first then leveling off at a low rumble....... "RUUMMMRUMMMMRRUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUMMMMMMnaganaganaganaganaganaganaganaga". I heard it coming back thru the woods. They were back. This is bad. This new contraption looks heinous. It was smoking and had gnarled teeth. He sparred no time and put the beast up to me and it began screaming as the teeth ripped into my flesh. I cried and yelled at him begging him to stop but he couldn't hear me. He tore deeper and deeper until I could feel myself tipping. In a last ditch effort I reached with my upper limbs and held onto my best friend beside me. He tried to hold onto me but the man began kicking me and pushing me till I couldn't hold on. I crashed to the ground. It hurt soo bad. A few of my limbs broke on impact and I could feel the sap oozing from the breaks and from my base. I can' hardly speak of the grussom things that happened over the next 30 minutes but my body was cut to peices and dragged out and hauled away from my home.
When we arrived at what I can only describe as his torture chamber things only got worse. He layed me out and began beating sharp pieces of steel into me. Every hit became more painful. I could feel myself being ripped apart grain from grain. It took all day as he went from piece to piece splitting me apart. I knew by the end of the week I would be toothpicks but then he stopped and threw me into a pile in his dark dirty torture chamber with other trees who had been tortured before me.
The next few years were more of a mental torture. He wanted to break us down mentally by making us watch him slowly tear our comrads apart. Over the years we realize he would pick out the trees that had been there the longest to do his devils work on. As we sat and watched day after day and year after year the ones before were taken one by one and new victims were brought in. Onc day he came in and began looking for his next victim. "Its time for old snakey" he said. He put me in a vice and squeezed so hard as he took his tools and sliced my bark away. Then my sapwood. It was soo cold now without anything to cover me.
The next few weeks were the worst weeks of my life. He slowly sliced layer after layer off my back and chopped my inner flesh down with his tools. I couldnt defend myself beyond the occasional splinter in his hands. The more he worked the more pleasure he seemed to take in it. He would stop periodically and smile with great pleasure in trying to hurt me. I had to be tough. I was not going to let him break me. He wouldn't win. Once he began running out of flesh to slice and chop he changed tactics. He took a dull edge and began scrapping down my exposed meat. Slow and painful scrapes. When I showed no pain he tried to bend me. I refused to break. I remembered him breaking lesser trees over the years but I was fighting back. Day after day we fought scrape, bend, scrape, bend. By this point I was strong. I was stronger than him. No matter how hard he tried to break me I refused. I am the mighty osage. The strongest tree in the woods. He could scrape away my muscle but I WOULD NOT BREAK. When he could not break me by hand he flexed me with a string and pulled with all his might. I laughed. He was weak and he knew he couldn't break me.
He took it below the belt when brought in the saplings. They were just babies. He tought it I would weaken when I saw them being tortured too. It was hard but I stayed strong. He striped their bark and dressed them up with feathers metal tips. This guy is truly psyco. With a string flexing my back he would try and break me using the young saplings. When I wouldn't break and my strength was too much for him they would fling across the field. He showed me to his friends often and they were amazed how crooked piece of wood could be so strong.
That was a long time ago but he still hasn't given up trying to break me. Day after day he puts the torture string on me and pulls with all his might. I still haven't broken. One day he may get too strong for me but I doubt it. I'm Osage. I'm the King.......
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LOL marks thats a funny and good story! ::) ;D
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I don't see it being the majestic 'Thy will be done' mindset that everyone else seems to see. :o
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Holy cow. Did you guys spark up a fun log and pass it around???
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One thing is for sure this thread really did not raise any eye brows........ ::) We know who the king is.. ;D
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Most of my life I have stayed in the shadows not wanting to be seen or heard !
So if I was a bow I would not be seen and very quite !
Just the way I like my bows to be !!
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"Please release me,let me go..."
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Not quite original. Bonus points if you can guess the song without google... >:D
There is unrest in the forest
There is trouble with the trees
For the maples want more sunlight
And the oaks ignore their pleas
The trouble with the maples
(And they're quite convinced they're right)
They say the oaks are just too lofty
And they grab up all the light
But the oaks can't help their feelings
If they like the way they're made
And they wonder why the maples
Can't be happy in their shade
There is trouble in the forest
And the creatures all have fled
As the maples scream 'Oppression!'
And the oaks just shake their heads
So the maples formed a union
And demanded equal rights
'The oaks are just too greedy
We will make them give us light'
Now there's no more oak oppression
For they passed a noble law
And the trees are all kept equal
By hatchet, axe and saw
I thought it was at least slightly appropriate.
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I'm bored.
Gimme an arrow.
:)
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Some of your bows do an awful lot of talking! ;)Mine just looks longingly at the door like a Dog that wants to hunt.
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I have to quote Aldo Leopold here:
Does a yew tree glory in fashioning from mere soil and sunlight a wood whose shavings curl in ecstasy at the prospect of becoming a bow? Does a cedar's pride lie in his towering height, or in the fact-unknown to all save archers-that under his shaggy bark lies a snow-white wood that planes with the joyful sound of tearing silk-the sound that bluebills make when they hurtle out of the sky at the invitation of placid waters? These are questions meant for an archer to ask, but for no man to answer.
This is a great thread. Lots of good stuff!
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I have to quote Aldo Leopold here:
Does a yew tree glory in fashioning from mere soil and sunlight a wood whose shavings curl in ecstasy at the prospect of becoming a bow? Does a cedar's pride lie in his towering height, or in the fact-unknown to all save archers-that under his shaggy bark lies a snow-white wood that planes with the joyful sound of tearing silk-the sound that bluebills make when they hurtle out of the sky at the invitation of placid waters? These are questions meant for an archer to ask, but for no man to answer.
This is a great thread. Lots of good stuff!
That's beautiful *tear* haha
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Become the human.
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...look, there's chrysals on my belly...
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why do i ckeep breaking :-[. SS
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DO NOT scratch my back bro..it doesn't itch anyway....gut
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...look, there's chrysals on my belly...
LOL ;D
Del
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This is one of th emost enjoyable threads I have read since coming here. I have'nt come up with my little diddy yet, but I will. I loved marks the best so far. Danny
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"Hey Dumb Dumb, Warm me up with some easy stretches before they you start pushing my limits. I don't want to pull a muscle"
Bows on the wall; "Pick me! Pick me!"
Bow with attitude: BOOM!!!!!!
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This is one of th emost enjoyable threads I have read since coming here. I have'nt come up with my little diddy yet, but I will. I loved marks the best so far. Danny
What do I win??
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Sure glad I am not Firewood ;D
David
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if you build me.......they will come
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Why do you keep missing? :P