Author Topic: "Boutique" plant water  (Read 6473 times)

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Offline Dharma

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"Boutique" plant water
« on: August 31, 2014, 01:48:52 pm »
In the mornings, I like to have my coffee (coffee bean water) and peruse the news on the internet. This morning, I saw an article that was touting the next generation of plant waters. Coconut water really took off as a food fad and on the heels of that came "vitamin water". Not to be outdone, some other companies have now come up with the next generation of plant waters to rival coconut water. The first is artichoke water. They pulp the entire artichoke and liquefy it, then add it to water. Of course, they have to add fruit juice and sugar to it so people can quaff it down. Next is maple water, that is, the water that usually gets boiled off when making maple syrup. Ok, maybe that one might be relatively taste-harmless. Next up is cactus water. They take a little bit of prickly pear cactus, liquefy it, and add it to water. Hmmm...must be kind of like a nopales smoothie. Then we have aloe vera water. Of course, they forget to tell you aloe vera taken internally is a powerful laxative. Definitely not something to chug while in rush hour traffic.

Anyway, I think I need to get in on this fad. So I was looking around to see what plants I have around here that I can offer as plant water and cash in on this. So, I am proud to announce: JUNIPER WATER!

  Yes, Juniper Water! We take only the finest juniper trees of which there are billions in this region of Arizona. Only pure juniper is used. We don't add fillers like pinyon pine which some people mistake for junipers. We don't add any tumbleweeds, creosote bush, grey sage, or rabbit grass like lesser quality Juniper Water makers would do. We carefully hand-grind the juniper needles and lovingly add them to water meticulously selected for it's crystal clarity. It's like drinking a Christmas tree---how refreshing is that! Juniper Water is gluten-free, vegan, and organic.

 And one more regional offering: WATER WATER!

 Yes, Water Water! Picture it: Rain falls on rugged red sandstone mesas, percolating down to the stone aquifers beneath. It is drawn from a well at over 50 feet below the surface of the Earth and brought up in genuine iron pipes, free of harmful plastics. It is then meticulously handcrafted into drinking water at a local water treatment plant. From there, we spare no effort in drawing it from a tap at our kitchen sink. To this, we then draw more water and add it to this water, thus creating the world's first Water Water. You get all the health-giving benefits of water added to your water! It is gluten-free, vegan, organic, and fair-trade. Water is chock-full of the life-giving properties of water. Doctors recommend a daily allowance of water, so can you afford to be without the benefits of Water Water? Water is a natural product, so you can feel good about drinking water. Water is low calorie, too. And it is low sodium in its freshwater form. Water is harvested from free-range aquifers, thus ensuring no factory-farmed water. You can take water with you anywhere and enjoy it any time; in your car, at the office, on the go. And it's a great alternative to sports drinks for hydration. The kids will love it, too! Who doesn't like water? And water is a dietary-conscious offering at dinner parties for people who have dietary restrictions. No more worries about "Can my guests drink water?" Water Water! The drink of choice for the 21st Century!
An arrow knows only the life its maker breathes into it...

Offline Knoll

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Re: "Boutique" plant water
« Reply #1 on: August 31, 2014, 01:53:07 pm »
Good read!!
... alone in distant woods or fields, in unpretending sproutlands or pastures tracked by rabbits, even in a bleak and, to most, cheerless day .... .  I suppose that this value, in my case, is equivalent to what others get by churchgoing & prayer.  Hank Thoreau, 1857

Offline JW_Halverson

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Re: "Boutique" plant water
« Reply #2 on: August 31, 2014, 04:11:22 pm »
I always look askance at people whining about the price of fuel when they stand with a bottle of Fiji bottled water in their hand.  Not bad enough that the plastic consumption is driving oil prices thru the roof, but you want to then buy water from a third world country and pay for the fuel to ship it across a freaking ocean, loaded on a semi-truck, and driven to your convenience store where you fuel your car and whine about the price of gas? 

It was not that long ago that we all laughed at the unprecedented arrogance of snobby celebrities demanding imported water!  Now it is an affordable luxury, and we all want to appear like the celebrities.  I'm with you Dharma, this whole water thing has jumped the shark. 
Guns have triggers. Bicycles have wheels. Trees and bows have wooden limbs.

Offline Dharma

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Re: "Boutique" plant water
« Reply #3 on: August 31, 2014, 04:27:02 pm »
The funny thing is, a lot of municipal water from the tap is being drawn from the same artesian wells the bottled water draws from. Some bottled water companies are just selling, you guessed it, tap water. Where I used to live in Flagstaff, a bottled water company wanted to draw Flagstaff tap water, bottle it, and sell it at several times the price people pay for it.

The hilarious thing is, water is water. Sure, it gets polluted and that ain't cool. But purified water is something you can do yourself with a water purifier attached to your faucet. Water is a constant on the planet. It's recycled constantly as it flows, rains, percolates through aquifers and so on. The way they can tell if water has never been on the surface of the Earth before is testing it for certain radioactive isotopes. That water is called "fossil water" and comes from deep aquifers that haven't been tapped before 1945 when atmospheric nuclear testing went on until 1962. All water that was in use before, during, and after that time carries minute trace elements of radioactive isotopes that travelled around the planet thanks to our good friend fallout from that testing. Yes, even the high-priced bottled water has trace elements from it. 

Be that as it may, water as a liquid travels quite a bit. The water in the tap was been around the block a few times as blood, sweat, bathwater, urine, tears, and so on. We've probably unknowingly drank the sweat off Genghis Khan's horse, which is kinda cool to think about.
An arrow knows only the life its maker breathes into it...

Offline B.Reid

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Re: "Boutique" plant water
« Reply #4 on: September 17, 2014, 08:19:06 pm »
You know... if you take the Juniper berries, add then to your water with a source of sugar..and boil it for a long time taking it as a distillation, you can then sell it for something better than Juniper Water...you can sell it as Gin! much better that way.

Offline JoJoDapyro

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Re: "Boutique" plant water
« Reply #5 on: September 17, 2014, 11:05:58 pm »
Juniper berry tea is great. My old place had a few growing in the back, I would pick them, boil them and enjoy. Juniper water could be used as a Alcohol free gin, Like O'dules for Gin!
If you always do what you always did you'll always get what you always got.
27 inch draw, right handed. Bow building and Knapping.

Offline Dharma

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Re: "Boutique" plant water
« Reply #6 on: September 17, 2014, 11:39:41 pm »
Well, I could make a fortune out here with this gig. There must be a trillion juniper trees out here. That's all there is besides red sandstone formations. Juniper trees...lots and lots of juniper trees. Did I mention we have juniper trees? Need some juniper?
An arrow knows only the life its maker breathes into it...

Offline wildman

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Re: "Boutique" plant water
« Reply #7 on: September 18, 2014, 11:41:38 am »
The sad/ best part about this post is that some suburb couple with 2.4 kids , a dog, 2 suvs and a median income of $70,000 would buy the heck out of both. Dharma you sir are a genius, and I am sending you a check for first stock issue. ;D
" Society your crazy greed , hope your not lonely without me"

-Eddie Vedder-

Offline Dharma

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Re: "Boutique" plant water
« Reply #8 on: September 18, 2014, 12:04:10 pm »
Yes, that's my target market. Around here, starting a business just means making yourself a cardboard sign with a marker pen and setting up by the side of the road to catch the tourists. I think I'll start the craze for genuine Water Water this way. 
An arrow knows only the life its maker breathes into it...

Offline paoliguy

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Re: "Boutique" plant water
« Reply #9 on: September 18, 2014, 01:14:56 pm »
Have your Marketing Dept. make everyone aware that your process is a secret time-honored tradition. Absolutely NO plant tours ... that way they will never see you filling the bottles with a garden hose.

Offline B.Reid

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Re: "Boutique" plant water
« Reply #10 on: September 18, 2014, 01:31:03 pm »
%100 Water water painstakingly extracted from the Arizona desert, All natural with NO preservatives.

Offline Dharma

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Re: "Boutique" plant water
« Reply #11 on: September 18, 2014, 03:22:45 pm »
LOL!!!! Gotta hire you guys!

I've been thinking about some other spin-off products, too.

1.) 100% Water Water Hair Rinse: Rinsing your hair with Water Water Hair Rinse after shampooing will leave your scalp healthy and happy. Only $12.50 a quart!

2.) Water Water Bath Soak: Imagine...you've had a hard day, the boss has been an Alpha Hotel all day long, you're stressed, your muscles are sore...you deserve to pamper yourself. Imagine soaking in a tub full of luxuriously hot Water Water. Now it can be yours for $50.95 a gallon! Nothing else eases tired muscles and relieves stress like hot Water Water Bath Soak.

3.) Water Water Tea Infusion: So simple, a child could use it! Just boil an 8oz. bottle of Water Water Tea Infusion, add your favourite bagged tea, and let it steep for 5 minutes. You'll be refreshed and revived! Only $5.95 per 8oz. bottle! And try our new Water Water Coffee Kit! Comes with 16oz. of Water Water and a packet of gourmet ground coffee. All you need to do is put the coffee packet in the coffeemaker basket, pour the Water Water into the reservoir, set the timer, and let the Water Water do the rest! It really is just that easy! Only $15.95!

I'm tellin' ya, I can smell the duckets for a new longbow already!  :)
An arrow knows only the life its maker breathes into it...

Offline madcrow

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Re: "Boutique" plant water
« Reply #12 on: September 18, 2014, 09:28:17 pm »
I will take the water water any day, especially after reading the ingredients for dasani water.  A guy at work drunk so many one day I thought he was going to bust, and he was acting like he was thirsting to death, so I looked it up.  Four ingredients in it were water (imagine that), magnesium sulfate(drying agent), Potassium Chloride (fertilizer, also used in lethal injections), and salt.  Not me.  I will take the chlorine water out of my tap any day, and well water from the shop.

Offline Dharma

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Re: "Boutique" plant water
« Reply #13 on: September 18, 2014, 09:51:07 pm »
Anyone seeing the irony in them adding a "drying agent" to water? I'll take the old metal drinking fountain in the store over buying bottled water any day. I ask them "Where's the water fountain?" They say, "Oh, we sell bottled water in the refrigerator case right over there!" No. Forget that. I want REAL water, out of the pipes. The FREE water. The vintage water, the real McCoy, the aqua. Where's the water fountain? "Oh...it's over there by the customer service desk." Thank you. I go tank up for free, life is good.
An arrow knows only the life its maker breathes into it...

Offline Zuma

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Re: "Boutique" plant water
« Reply #14 on: September 18, 2014, 11:12:12 pm »
Purified H2ohoh could be bottled and sold as an aphrodisiac.
This could help in the fight against using animal parts and dragon bones.
Zuma
If you are a good detective the past is at your feet. The future belongs to Faith.