Author Topic: Funnies  (Read 1128 times)

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Offline Marc St Louis

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Funnies
« on: July 08, 2022, 08:13:40 am »
My wife got these from a friend...........


As Iíve grown older, Iíve learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing everyone off is a piece of cake. 

Iím responsible for what I say, not what you understand.

Common sense is like deodorant.  The people who need it the most never use it.

My tolerance for idiots is extremely low these days I used to have some immunity built up, but obviously there's a new strain out there.

Itís not my age that bothers me; itís the side effects.

Iím not saying Iím old and worn out, but I make sure Iím nowhere near the curb on trash day.

As I watch this generation try and rewrite our history, I'm sure of one thing:  It will be misspelled and have no punctuation.

Me, sobbing: "I can't see you anymore. . . .   I'm not going to let you hurt me again."
My Trainer: "It was one sit-up.Ē

As Iíve gotten older, people think Iíve become lazy.  The truth is Iím just being more energy efficient.

I haven't gotten anything done today. I've been in the Produce Department trying to open this stupid plastic bag.

If you find yourself feeling useless, remember it took 20 years, trillions of dollars, and four presidents to replace the Taliban with the Taliban.

Turns out that being a "senior" is mostly just googling how to do stuff.

I want to be 18 again and ruin my life differently.  I have new ideas.

God promised men that good and obedient wives would be found in all corners of the world.  Then he made the earth round. . . and laughed and laughed and laughed.

I'm on two diets. I wasn't getting enough food on one.

I put my scale in the bathroom corner and that's where the little liar will stay until it apologizes.

My mind is like an internet browser. At least 19 open tabs, 3 of them are frozen, and I have no clue where the music is coming from.

Hard to believe I once had a phone attached to a wall, and when it rang, I picked it up without knowing who was calling.

Apparently RSVPing to a wedding invitation "Maybe next time" isn't the correct response.

She says I keep pushing her buttons.  If that were true, I would have found mute by now.

So youíve been eating hot dogs and McChickens all your life, but you wonít take the vaccine because you donít know whatís in it.  Are you kidding me?

Sometimes the Universe puts you in the same situation again to see if youíre still a dumb-ass.

There is no such thing as a grouchy old person.  The truth is that once you get old, you stop being polite and start being honest

Home of heat-treating, Corbeil, On.  Canada

Marc@Ironwoodbowyer.com

Offline Pat B

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Re: Funnies
« Reply #1 on: July 08, 2022, 10:28:05 am »
So pertinent.  (A)  :fp
Make the most of all that comes and the least of all that goes!    Pat Brennan  Brevard, NC

Offline bjrogg

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Re: Funnies
« Reply #2 on: July 08, 2022, 12:59:03 pm »
Those are great Marc.

Bjrogg

PS Especially like the round earth one.
A hot cup of coffee and a beautiful sunrise

Offline Marc St Louis

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Re: Funnies
« Reply #3 on: July 08, 2022, 08:22:17 pm »
Yes I like the round earth as well
Home of heat-treating, Corbeil, On.  Canada

Marc@Ironwoodbowyer.com

Offline JW_Halverson

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Re: Funnies
« Reply #4 on: July 09, 2022, 12:20:31 am »
I have progressed to the stage where I put more miles on the grocery cart looking around the parking lot for my car than I do going up and down the aisles getting the bloody groceries!
Guns have triggers. Bicycles have wheels. Trees and bows have wooden limbs.

Offline GlisGlis

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Re: Funnies
« Reply #5 on: July 09, 2022, 04:31:26 am »
Earth is round for sure  (lol)

Offline Pappy

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Re: Funnies
« Reply #6 on: July 09, 2022, 08:09:10 am »
Love it, needed a good laugh this morning, thanks. Pappy
Clarksville,Tennessee
TwinOaks Bowhunters
Life is Good